STAR LETTER!
Dear Sirs,
I read with disgust, the little known fact that Parisian rock band
Pouch of Douglas have released their new album
Ramshackle containing three chords banned under international law since the last world war.
I quote from music publication Chord Weekly :
“Under the terms of the Shapiro Agreement signed in 1946 by all 193 world leaders, the chords B23, D unspecified and C slightly 7 have thus far been prevented from being used or interpreted by musicians of any genre. However, Pouch of Douglas discovered a loophole allowing them to flout the law by recording the album in the newly formed central Asian state of Prakatan, which has so far yet to sign.”
What these art school dropouts fail to recognise is the consequence of their irresponsible behaviour. You take it from me, it won’t be too long before the hearts and minds of our children will become corrupted and contaminated, especially when the charts become cluttered with pop songs played in deviant scales. There’s already talk that
Kylie is pencilled in to record her new single there, and it is rumoured to contain the highly volatile F#8/inconclusive.
The Pandora’s box they’ve just lifted the lid on, leaves our mainstream artists opening another can of worms, but then again that’s a different kettle of fish.
Kenneth O’ Kennethson
myspace.com/bumhistory
myspace.com/dogstand
Dear Windypops,
You will notice that in the video to Are You Gonna Go My Way by
Lenny Kravitz that he is playing a Gibson Flying V, when it is absolutely obvious that the guitar playing on the track is a Fender Stratocaster. I noticed this on VH1 last year and have made several unsuccessful attempts to inform the great man of this basic flaw in the promotional video.
These filmmakers may think that they can fool the average Joe, but some of us know better. There’s no mistaking Fender’s ability to handle the top end better than Gibson, and let those really sustained high notes ring out without sounding too muddy or distorted. My friend told me that, and he used to roadie for
Steelye Span, so he should know.
I actually believe that the guitar used for the solo is a Pre-CBS model from around 1958, but I can’t confirm that yet, as any time I try to ask Lenny, he sends out a load of big burley men to tell me to get off his property.
Why can’t they just get it right in the first place, then I wouldn’t have to go on about it all the time.
Forever,
Trevor Poink
myspace.com/bumhistory
myspace.com/dogstand
Windypops says: Thankyou, lovely, lovely people, for your kind (if slightly disturbing) words
Sirs,
Not sure if this counts as gossip or what but i though you might like to know that the reason that
The Polyphonic Spree,
Ultrasound,
Galaxie 500 and
N'sync haven't been around for a while is that I've got them. In a well in the bottom of my garden. In the case of the Boston dream poppers responsible for such divine cover versions as "Ceremony", I've had them in there for twelve years. And why? Well, one thing just led to another. Yes.
The Polyphonic Spree are more duophonic these days as they lost the scissors-paper-stone competition and grimly accepted the status of "food" for the others. Tiny from Ultrasound alone has eaten three of them in nine months. My underground guests use the Spree's bloodstained robes to sleep in, and at night their howls make me grin.
So...they weren't dropped by their record companies at all. They were dropped, by me, into a big well. Not sure why. But what can you do?
Regards,
That guy in the big house who never gives the kids their ball back.
tagworld.com/Kempernorton23
http://www.myspace.com/kempernorton
Dear W'Pops,
RE: Celebrity spotting
I noticed
Billy Joel in our local garden centre last week, staring fixedly at a lump of coal that had fallen out of one of the sacks outside and muttering angrily to himself.
I bought him and took him home - it was the least I could do, and he'll look nice next to the hydrangeas.
Jenni Derrington (by email)
myspace.com/specklemily
myspace.com/emilyjonesowlfrog
Dear Windypops,
My next door neighbour Billy and I are massive
Smiths fans, and have been for a very long time. Over the years we have constantly tried to insert Smiths lyrics and song titles into our everyday conversation in a bid to outdo each other with the best Smiths references.
For example, whenever he is about to tell a joke he invariably says STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE to which I generally respond that THAT JOKE ISN’T FUNNY ANYMORE. He might buy a lottery ticket for instance, and look up to the skies saying PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET WHAT I WANT, and I might talk in a gruff God-like voice saying something like THESE THINGS TAKE TIME, and we’d probably fall about in hysterics just enjoying the hilarious banter.
I thought I had come up with the best one ever when he returned my garden strimmer and thanked me for lending it to him, to which I replied WILLIAM, IT WAS NOTHING.
However, he had the biggest laugh a week later when he told me about the number 73 bus that ploughed into the front of Primark killing three and putting his GIRLFRIEND IN A COMA.
Yours truly,
Huw Janus
myspace.com/bumhistory
myspace.com/dogstand